


10 ways to say i love you

by scorpiomxxn



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: 10 ways to say I love you, 5+1 Things, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, but also a bit of angst, sort of vague honestly wrote it for aesthetic purposes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25626433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiomxxn/pseuds/scorpiomxxn
Summary: casey and leo didn't know what this was, just that it had to be enough. otherwise known as, 10 ways to say i love you (and the one time casey said it back)
Relationships: Casey Jones/Leonardo (TMNT)
Kudos: 26





	10 ways to say i love you

**Author's Note:**

> this is written totally with aesthetic in mind, so if it's vague i'm!! super sorry!! also i have a few other drabbles/one-shots for these two in my drafts right now so!! expect more from me soon!!

i.   
they should’ve been in bed hours ago, but they never left, not like the rest of the crew, who dispersed to bed one by one. it’s just the two of them in the kitchen now, basking in the light of the single overhead lamp, and each other’s company alike.   
neither’s quite sure how the conversation went from small talk to this—a grand discussion of life, of death, of love and of passions—but neither can say they’re displeased by it, either.   
conversation seems to come naturally between them. within a few hours casey offers more details about his past to leo than he had to anyone ever. and leo, he delves into insecurities and fears he hadn’t even quite acknowledged to himself just yet.   
by the end of it it’s 6am, and neither has slept, the others would be waking one by one within the next few hours, and surely it’s too late for casey to go home.   
“you can take my bed,” leo offers, a light smile on his face.  
casey smirks at the warm mug of tea in his hand. leonardo had been sure to keep it full for him, refilling it every time it reached the halfway mark. the funny thing was, casey doesn’t quite care for tea. but tonight, basking in leo’s presence and the light from the overhead lamp, he couldn’t get enough of it.  
“fine,” he said, his eyes flicking upwards to meet leo’s. “but only if i get to be the big spoon.”  
“i love you,” leo gets out between chuckles.  
and casey’s not sure why it makes him bite his lip and smile at the floor, but it does, and he can’t help but wish to hear those words again. he savors the moment, letting it swim in his head for the days to come.

ii.   
the battle got out of hand quicker than casey’d like to admit. although, it was less that it got out of hand, and more that he rushed into it, head first, teeth seething, all ablaze. a beautiful spirit, practically. but of course, it went against the plan, no one else was prepared to rush in after him. he was the only target those first few moments; and while he fought with the ferocity of a thousand warriors, he was still just one.  
his injuries were bad. though he wouldn’t admit it, especially not to him, the boy following him as he limped away.  
“i’m not in the mood for a lecture,” he spat.   
the other boy, leo, was biting his tongue, concealing a thousand words, a million phrases, a trillion complaints, but they could all be summed up so perfectly, that anything else would just be white noise. “how could you scare me like that?”  
it came out desperate, a plea, a sort of betrayal. and casey, he halted, at the end of an alleyway, he didn’t make that next turn. he turned around, faced leo, whose face was broken and stained with confusion. the fight was over, their team must’ve won. not a surprise there, they had it in the bag. it would’ve gone over so smoothly, had a particular hot head not rushed in so recklessly. reckless. that’s the word. he was reckless.   
casey limped towards leo—who met him halfway, concern rising at the other boy’s condition, his eyes scanning his body frantically, taking account of each injury, a plan and order already forming in his head on how and when to treat each one according to its severity. luckily, none of the wounds were too dire. more along the lines of inconveniences than anything. but nevertheless, the point still stood.   
it was the principle of the thing.  
“i’m sorry,” casey let out breathily. and leo knew what the apology meant, knew that he was apologizing for the fright he caused his partner. they both knew what it was like to be on the other end. they’ve both feared for each other’s lives.   
leo held casey’s shoulders tightly, staring deep into hickory brown eyes. searching for the words. if there were any. in all honesty, he was just relieved he was okay.   
“damnit,” he said finally, a sigh of relief escaping him. “don’t scare me like that, jones.”   
casey finds himself pulled into a tight embrace. his bones ache, there's a discomfort in his ribs at the tightness, but he can’t will himself to say so, not with leo muttering, “i love you too much, jones,” into the musty shoulder of his old and torn sweatshirt.

iii.  
they’re alone together in the dojo, away from the celebration going on in the rest of the lair. they had a marvelous victory tonight, and though leo typically wouldn’t want to celebrate so soon, even he had to admit that his team deserved a night off. casey was trying to convince leo he deserved the same.  
they’re alone together in the dojo, swaying in each other’s arms. they’re the slightest bit tipsy, something leo never thought would happen, something he won’t ever admit happened. he still doesn’t know how casey even got him to take a sip from the flask, only that he did, and now his cheeks were warm and he felt, well, lighter.  
vance joy played softly from casey’s phone, giving them a rhythm to move to. casey sings along under his breath, “you were in the shower we were talking through the glass.”  
leo lived in the moment. the soft, short moment, that lasted for hours, long past everyone else’s expiration. alone together in the dojo, dancing to sad love songs, taking small sips from a flask they probably shouldn't have, but then again have done far worse to give much more than a second thought to.   
slumped lazily against casey, leo smiles a drunken, hazy grin. “you’re a terrible influence, jones.”  
“mmm, but you love me.”  
“yeah,” leo chuckles. “i do love you.”

iv.  
it rains most days at the farm house, it seems. not that casey would know, tucked away in the barn, or his room. and it’s only natural, given the circumstances. everyone’s shaken up, in their own ways. he’s no exception.  
leo, he does what he does best: observes. thinks. plans. runs things through his mind over and over some more, until coal becomes diamonds, and that’s when he moves from the door frame to where casey lays beneath the old red truck.   
“you’re always working,” leo states. he mentally kicks himself. way to go, captain obvious.  
“yeah, well, it’s a lot of work, fixing a broken down, busted car,” casey returns bluntly.  
despite casey’s tone, leo can’t help but think that there's some sort of metaphor buried in there.  
“you should come out, sit with us in the house for a bit.”   
“i’m fine here.”  
leo pulls out a chair and shrugs, though casey cant see him from under the truck. “then i’ll stay and sit with you here.”  
casey shoots out then and sits up a bit too fast, almost stumbles once he’s on his feet. “i don’t need a babysitter, blue! i can take care of myself damn fine!”   
“you don’t have to, though,” leo breathes.  
casey turns, his expression softening. leonardo grabs his hand, shoves a sorry excuse for a bouquet of flowers into them. then holds tight. palm in palm. fingers laced together. wild flowers between them. “i want to take care of you. let me take care of you.”  
and this time--because he’s soft now, because leo made him all gooey and because butterflies are consuming him--casey doesn’t claim to not need him. “you don’t have to do that,” he offers instead, because it's less about needing the help, and more about leo not needing to provide. he doesn’t want pity. but even more, he doesn’t want to feel like a burden. a chore.  
because casey’s felt like that for a long time. to his dad, and the teachers at school, and the aunts he’d turned to when his dad's drinking got real bad, and the team mates he’d bail on after intense battles, and april, and donnie. come to think of it, the only person to never make him feel that way was his mom. and that pisses him off, it turns him away from the world and forces him behind walls only he can see, only he can dismantle, but he wont, because he doesn't want to, because it's easier this way.  
but leo, he’s there, at the doors somehow, knocking, asking, pleading with anyone who’s home to let down the guards and come outside to him.  
he doesn't want to let him in.  
he doesn’t pry away from leo’s grasp, though, either. and that has to mean something.  
“i know. but i want to.” that has to be enough, casey thinks.  
“it’s rotten work.” casey kicks at dirt on the barn floor. his hand is still in leo’s.   
“not to me-” leo tugs on casey’s hand, he wants him to look at him, wants their eyes to meet, if only for casey to understand the depth of his words, “not if it’s you.” that has to be enough.  
“but why?” casey demands, his eyes finally snap up and meet leo’s and he’s not angry, he’s desperate. he’s confused and helpless, a deer caught in headlights, because this is all foreign grounds to him, he has no idea what he’s doing here.   
“because, casey,” leo offers a delicate, knowing smile, and casey can’t help but wonder if he knows just how damn pretty he is. “i love you.”  
and that, that has to be enough. 

v.   
casey slept over at the lair again, no surprise there, he’d made a habit of it lately. he liked it better down there. it was comfortable, and felt, well, homey. something he never felt in his real home. not that he admitted this. he simply came and went as he pleased, like a cat, and no one pressed further. he appreciated that.  
and the nights like this one here, when he came as an escape from his abusive father, he appreciated leonardo especially. the leader never had to ask him what was wrong, merely gave him a once over and suddenly he just knew. knew what casey was experiencing, knew what he needed.   
“i was just about to watch a movie--” no he wasn't, “wanna join me?”  
he had a way of doing that, making casey feel like he was welcomed, as if his presence always lined up perfectly with whatever leo was about to do next, never an inconvenience. and god, did casey appreciate that.   
“yeah,” he smiled. “i’d like that.”  
they dragged the tv into leo’s room, bowls of popcorn in tow, and buried themselves close together, beneath waterfall-like spaceheroes blankets that smelled of home and serenity. as they melted together, casey lost sight of the reason he was here. though, he supposes that was the whole point. to forget, to lose himself in something else for a night. he couldn’t thank leo enough for that.  
they fell asleep together in a mound of blankets and snacks and empty pop cans. leo leaned his head against casey’s shoulder, grabbed his hand, and in his last moments of wake, murmured, “i love you.”  
it was enough to keep casey’s pain away for days.

vi.   
it’s finals week for casey, meaning late nights studying and days spent in the library. in high school, he couldn’t have cared less about his grades. but college was different, he had to care, because this was his future. so, naturally, he spent the better part of his week hunched over textbooks and highlighters, stopping only to sleep and eat.   
he hadn’t been to the lair at all during this time except only to ask donnie for help working through an equation. on his way out, he bumped into leo—who more or less had been waiting for him in the hall since he’d first gone into the lab.   
“hey! where’ve you been? i haven’t really heard from you much,” leo tried not to sound too desperate, too excited, but he couldn’t help himself.  
it warmed casey’s heart. “studying. finals week, ya know?” leo didn’t know, he didn’t have a clue what that must be like, though if he had to compare it to anything, it’d be the feeling of having a mere few hours to plan an intense mission. he nodded sympathetically.   
leo walked casey all the way back to the surface, running through the same questions he asked donnie when he was hard at work; have you been eating, have you been sleeping, tea is a great stress reliever, meditating helps too, don’t forget to focus on yourself.   
when they reached the end of the tunnel, leo gripped casey’s hand before he disappeared into the daylight. “just, do your best, okay?”  
two days later casey sits at his desk, eyes burning as he runs through biology notes one last time, when he hears a faint knock at the window. desperate for a distraction, he whips around just in time to see a figure blur into obscurity. he furrows his brow and makes his way towards the window.  
the crisp november air bites his skin when he steps out onto his sorry excuse for a balcony. and he thinks, maybe he should grab a coat before investigating, but then his eyes fall upon a basket full of snacks and fuzzy socks and small, meaningless trinkets, and in the dead center, a simple note sketched in blue ink, reading, “good luck! i love you. - blue.”   
casey passed his exams the next morning. 

vii.   
casey doesn’t suppose there’ll ever be an easy way to handle leo’s down days, but he figures he’s getting better at it.  
leo’s simple. he follows routine. it’s meditation, then tea and a light breakfast, then training, every morning. and the afternoons, they tend to vary based off of circumstances and the ways of life, but evenings are dinner, meditation, patrol, shower, and bed. casey can’t help but wonder how it doesn't make him antsy, all that repetition. how it doesnt get old and dull. at first, when their relationship--or whatever this was--was fresh and new, feeling awfully similar to the first snowfall of the year, it sort of drove casey crazy. but now he understands. understands that routine is to leo as journaling is to casey: a constant he can rely on to be there every day.   
shakes the house in the raging storm, however. on leo’s bad days, he abandons all self-regard. he curls in a ball and holds his knees to his chest and stares absently at a wall he’s all-too familiar with, longing for a peace he’s never truly felt, having been robbed of a normal life, a normal teenage experience.  
sometimes, when the storm is closer to a hurricane than a shower, the window tells leo that even his brothers have it better than him, free of the burden of leading a team, holding a family together, at such a young age. on a particularly bad night, he voices this to casey while skipping stones at the pier.   
“they just don’t get how easy they have it. i’d kill to be as innocent as them.”  
and casey didn’t get it, not at first. but slowly, as he tread further into the waters of leo’s mind, he began to understand. now he packs a raincoat and umbrella for leo’s rainy days, and an extra for leonardo himself.   
he serves him tea in bed and asks him to walk and talk with him while he grabs something from the main room, though he always ends up guiding leo to the dojo instead, where everything is coincidentally set up for meditation. and leo pretends not to notice, but he does, it’s obvious what casey’s doing. initially, he thought to find it insulting. but the more he thought, the more he took it in, the more he realized how genuine it was for casey to care for him on his down days.  
at the end of a day messy as a tornado, casey held leo close beneath an umbrella, and leo said, ever so softly over the sound of wind and rain, “i love you.”

viii.   
“i’ll be your muse.”  
casey’s head shoots up fast, his eyebrows raising and a smirk quickly growing into a grin. “oh really?”  
they’re in casey’s bedroom tonight, a rare occurrence, thus prompting leo to spend the time looking over every square inch of the place. he liked admiring casey’s clutter. every once in awhile he’d pick something up and ask for it’s origin story, and casey swears he saw him pocket something, but he couldn’t be bothered to question it. whatever it was, it would end up on leo’s bedside table, looking like a sort of trophy. the mere thought warmed casey’s core.   
as leo took in the room the way one would the louvre, casey sketched thoughtless doodles in an old sketch book, neither talking till leo abruptly broke the silence from his spot across the room.   
leo shrugged, plopping down in casey’s swivel chair. “i’d be a good model,” he says matter-of-factly.   
“what would i capture you doing, exactly?”  
leo ponders thoughtfully. his brow furrows and lips purse together tightly. casey’s heart skips half a beat. and then, as he watches him like this, deep in thought and relaxed, effortlessly adorable, having just pocketed a trinket, he thinks that maybe he really could be his muse. he’d follow him to the ends of the world, capturing every action, every expression, every emotion the beautiful boy was capable of expressing. he’d never get tired of drawing the smooth lines of his cheeks, or the edges of his hands. the grace in his step, the wonder in his eyes.   
if he didn’t feel so choked up, he’d tell him this. but this relationship--or whatever the hell it was--was still new and casey wasn’t yet courageous enough to put these soft thoughts into words. he simply trusted leo to meet him halfway and understand the things left unspoken.  
“falling in love with you,” leo says delicately. and then he nods, sure of himself, sure of his answer. casey’s heart melts that much more.   
and it’s then that casey thinks he’ll say it back, looking at leo with eyes that ought to be saucers, his mouth opened, the only thing left being those three, stupid words.   
and casey thinks he’ll say them, thinks this’ll be the time. he means them. he loves leo, he’s never been so sure of something as he is that. so what’s holding him back?  
maybe it’s the realness of it all, the way leo kisses his wounds rather than pours salt in them. maybe it’s the unfamiliarity; this is all so new and casey isn’t wired for this, he’s meant for toxic love driven purely by sex and passionate feelings that are sure to burn out faster than a match. and leo isn’t like that, he’s softer, he’s different. he grabs casey’s hands when they walk, he kisses his cheek and tells him how pretty he finds him. leo’s a million things, but not one is anything remotely close to what casey had planned on.   
casey can't decide if that excites or scares him.  
when he finally speaks, all that comes out is, “then i guess you better pick out your first pose, muse.” it isnt ‘i love you’ but it's close enough for them both to understand what he really means. 

ix.   
“you’ve never had an eskimo kiss?” leo gasped in disbelief. you would’ve thought casey had just told him his family had died.   
“i don't even know what that is.” casey’s laying on his side, propped up by his elbow. he stares at leo expectantly, waiting for him to go on.  
“it’s-it’s- ugh! just let me show you.”   
casey sits up then, biting back a grin as leo scooches closer to him. their knees are pressed against each other.   
“sit still,” leo instructs. casey obliges, though, as leo leans in, he’s not sure if he should close his eyes or keep them locked on leo’s, still not sure what exactly an eskimo kiss was. and as he’s waiting for a soft pair of lips to meet his, he’s surprised to instead be met with the ticklish sensation of the tip of leo’s snout rubbing against his nose. he lets out a sorry excuse for a giggle.   
pulling back, leo grins from ear to ear. “that, is an eskimo kiss.” he leans back against his headboard.  
“that,” casey gets out between laughs, “was not a kiss.”  
“you’re lucky i don't have eyelashes, otherwise i’d give you a butterfly kiss.”   
“you’re too damn cute, ya know.”  
leo perks up. a blush takes over his cheeks. too damn cute.  
then, seeing the reaction it gives casey--a new round of laughs and a shit-eating grin--leo swats at the other boy. “oh, shut up,” he says, but the small smile playing on his lips defeats him.  
“you know you love me!”  
and leo nods knowingly, thoughtfully. he stares down at his hands, now folded in his lap. “yeah,” he says, “i do love you.”

x.   
they couldn’t remember a time when they weren’t going through hell, simply suppose that it’s always been that way. endless battles with enemies they’re quickly losing track of. close calls are typical, near-death experiences nothing more than an average tuesday. they’re numb to it all.   
but things are different now, because whatever the hell this is is leaving them with higher stakes. because suddenly dying wouldn’t just be dying, it’’d be losing one another. and they still don’t know what the hell this even is, it had been the last thing on their minds for so long, but with close calls becoming closer and closer, and with the amount of time having passed since their first rendezvous, they figured they ought to just pick a label and run with it. better that than to spend their whole lives mourning what could’ve been. better simple to just be.   
they’re under a sea of stars. leo lays his head on casey’s stomach, rubs circles on the back of his palm, occasionally bringing it up for a light kiss, as they both stare longingly at stars they once floated amongst in a pristine spaceship with a robot they’d never gotten to truly know.   
“tonight was a close one.” leo speaks in his leader voice. it shatters casey. “i thought i lost you.”  
“but you didn't,” casey swallows. and that has to be enough, in this lifetime, with their habits, it had to be enough.   
“but i could have,” leo snaps, walking a fine line between cold and bitter. he sits up, letting casey’s hand go in the process. “casey, i wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you.”   
casey scoffs, offended. “i’m not your responsibility, blue.”  
“is that what you think this is?” leo asks in disbelief. he pushes himself up off the ground and paces the size of the building.   
“please, fearless, flatter me.” casey doesn’t quite know what’s coming from him; come to think of it, neither of them do. because they aren’t angry with each other, they haven’t been, not once since the start of whatever the hell this is. so maybe they’re mad at the situation, at their lifetime, at the cards they’d unreasonably been dealt which stuck them with a destiny of crime fighting and endless battles which would ultimately lead to their demise. and the best they can do is be angry with each other.   
“fuck, jones!” leo shouts, turning around abruptly. casey swears he embodied the ferocity of a tsunami. “this isn’t about being leader, this has nothing to do with losing a soldier, can’t you see that? i love you. i wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you were gone because i love you so goodman much and if you weren’t around, then, well. i-i don’t know, okay?” leo throws his hands up in defeat.  
casey’s mouth opens, then quickly closes. he has nothing to say. he’s swimming in thoughts in his head, and he swears if he stands any longer he’ll drown, or worse, so he sits, he sits and he watches leo pace and he connects dots like constellations and has an epiphany that feels something like a star going nova.   
all this time, all these months, those three stupid words that had been uttered to him on nine separate occasions, they weren’t just chatter. and casey, he wants to laugh, because he hadn’t even realized till now that he’d been keeping count, but the more it sinks into his bloodstream, the less it makes sense to him why he wouldn’t have kept count. leo loved him. loved him enough to make tea for him and give him a spot on his bed, his too-small, twin-sized bed. loved him enough to yell at him for not being more careful, to give him flowers, to shower him in eskimo kisses. loves him enough to be furious at the thought of losing him. leo never cared about losing his own life, not in the ways a typical person would. but casey’s was another story. something to be passionate about.   
and the more leo paced, the more casey thought. about all of it, about everything they’d been through, about everything they would go through. could go through. if they move forward, if they give whatever the hell this is a more formal title. and he realizes, with a smug smile, that he loves leo in ways he’d never believed to exist.  
he stands, his mind set, head on straighter than it had been in probably, well, forever. he walks over to a pacing leo and stops right in front of him.  
“you showed me things i’ll never see with someone else,” leo had a desperate edge to his voice. “i couldn’t ever have this again, i wouldn't ever want this again.”  
casey caresses the other boy’s cheek, running a thumb along the edges of his lips. he’s not sure what to say, if he even can say anything to assure him that that’s not something he’ll ever have to worry about. because casey’s here for the long haul, doesn’t think he’ll ever want to leave, can’t imagine a future that would ever drive them in separate ways.  
they’re simply too tangled, their fates having both begun and set to end with each other. and casey, he has to wonder if this is what a soulmate is, if leo is his. or maybe they’re just idiots in love. he can’t seem to find the difference between the two.  
“i love you, leo,” he says, and it isn’t much, but it’ll have to be enough. casey will simply show him the rest in time.  
and he does. that night, leo melts beneath him, and they end up in a puddle on that roof, laying side by side, talking about love as if it were a person, exchanging eskimo kisses. they retire to the lair for earl grey tea and they worry about small things, like their title. they settle on dating for now, but in the back of their minds, they know it’ll grow in time. but for now their young, and though their lives aren’t promised, though every day they step out onto the field they knew they might not make it back, they leave the rest for future them to uncover together.  
that night, as they are drifting to sleep, leo opens his eyes one last time, and whispers ever so gracefully, “say it again.”  
“i love you,” casey says. and for now, it’s enough.


End file.
